Let’s Get Ethical

Normallly, I laught at dating website commercials. But lately, eHarmony has been getting just a tad out of hand.

EXHIBIT A:  (The only exhibit)

Really? They expect me to believe that Joshua’s fine ass had a page on eHarmony!?

They must be nuts. Honestly, if he was in fact on eHarmony and homegirl hasn’t had her throat slit yet, we need to put her in a safehouse. If someone that goodlooking had to resort to internet dating, then there is no hope left in humanity.

If he can’t get a date without the magic of technology, he either:

       A. Is a serial killer, Patrick Bateman style (Look it up, kids)

       B. Lives on his family’s beet farm, Dwight Schrute status (Again, look it up kids)

       C. Is like that guy in that Julia Roberts movie (whose name escapes me) who beats a woman’s ass if she doesn’t straighten the towels in the bathroom.

So I’m just going to keep my theory that they hire actors (which is really everyone’s first theory right? Say yes).

I’ll keep you updated on further advances in my internet dating research advances.

By that, I mean I’m going to head over to the Missed Connections page at craigslist for my normal Sunday evening entertainment.

Filed under: advertising, back off my man b!@&#!, homefield advantage, lazy, media misery, reality tv, television, um hmm girlfriend, we are the internet

Before I Start My "Weekly Sunday Homework Rush"

Today, I’m feeling extra fierce. As in Sasha Fierce. Yes, I know I shouldn’t encourage Beyonce‘s nosense. But, you have to admit: even though she is the farthest thing from fierce, she inspires some pretty fierce stuff. Exhibit A:

I mean, wow. Those moves. I don’t know how long that song has been out, but this guy means one thing: business dedication.

But now, my personal fave:

Yes. You just watch that. I literally want to be that little boy when I grow up. Not really, but I want to watch a few episodes of Project Runway, What Not To Wear, and Beverly Hills, 90210 (The original one, where real bitch fights actually occur) just to get his insight on life. This kid needs his own after school dance special, or at least to be on Yo Gabba Gabba. He has some real serious moves going on. HE KICKED A CHAIR, DAMMNIT! He even did the splits in that amazing finish! Perfect 10.

And for my dance-off results:

The first guy has some real serious business going on. And I’m not sure (Because I refuse to watch a Beyonce music video) but I’m pretty sure he juist copied her dance moves; so I’ll have to dock some originality points.

However, the kid in the second video isn’t nearly as polished, mostly because he’s a kid. But he has some real Footloose potential, so I’ll make note to email Zac Efron‘s agent later.

But now the main reason: I get flashbacks of Christian Bale in The Machinist watching the first video, and that just ain’t cool.

EAT A DAMN SANDWICH GIRLFRIEND!

Filed under: crafty, danceoff, dancin' fool, life support, more woman than me, music, oh no she didn't, pop culture, silly americans, um hmm girlfriend